Welcome to the Void!
by KobeNiku
Summary: With every action we take, another instance of reality is created where the actions not taken occur. Join your host, the enigmatic Yukari, in exploring the many different instances of the magical world of Gensokyo with her various alternate quirky selves. So, sit back, relax, and welcome to the Void.
1. Pilot

The dark space surrounding the void appeared to be endless. The faint outline of millions, if not, billions of inactive screens made up the bulk of the void's area. There was no visible light source to be found so it was not clear where was up or down, left or right. A faint whirring could be heard filling the void, mechanical in nature. Then, in what appeared to be centre of endless emptiness, a beam of light shone from above. It could not be determined how far up the light came from but it did show that the area where the woman sitting on a chair could be seen in the middle of the spotlight was the ground. The woman, who appeared to be a long-haired blonde in her mid-20s, was dressed in an elegant purple gown with a white parasol rested by her side. She was relaxed in her posture, reading a newspaper whilst having one leg rested on the other, absent-mindedly flipping through the pages. Then, her eyes glanced over her paper, looking at nothing. With a quiet "Ah.", she put away her paper on the floor and brought out a pair of glasses from thin air to address no one.

"I apologise for my rudeness, everyone. I did not notice you were there," she said with a calm smile. The silence of the void grew. "Now, now, calm down. I'm sure you're all wondering why you're here and how you got here in the first place. I brought you all here today because what I am about to show you will amaze you." Snapping her fingers, the billions of screens came to life and began to circle around the space of the void, their light illuminating the floor even further. And yet, there was only the woman.

"Ohoho, you must think I'm crazy, aren't you?", she giggled with a hand over her mouth as though she were a giddy high-school girl. "Oh, stop it, you! Calling me a high-school girl, you're making me blush!"

At this point, the air of friendliness dissipated from her as her eyes morphed to that of a cunning fox. "I know what you're thinking. I may not be able to read minds but I can see things beyond this realm. Were you thinking I was talking to an audience of zero? No, no, no. I was addressing you. Yes, you. Person looking at me right now. I know you're there. With my ability to manipulate boundaries, I can easily blur the line between perspectives and from I see, I have an audience."

She then stood up, slung her parasol over shoulder and covered her mouth with an open purple paper fan. "My name is Yukari. That is all you need to know for now but I am sure you fully know who I am. If not, why are you here? Speaking of which, that brings me back to what I wanted to explain earlier: the 'why' in 'why you're here'."

She began to slowly pace up and down the void, the spotlight following her with every echoing step. "I brought you all here because you were people who knew of Gensokyo's existence. To those of you who do not know, Gensokyo is this mystical land protected by a powerful magical barrier that hosts many youkai and items forgotten by the world outside. I should know; I created that land. Now, many of you will have heard of the many interesting adventures the inhabitants of this land have undergone. However, this is the main course of events that could be said to be the 'proper' timeline for us."

She leaned forward as if get a better look at her 'audience'. "Ara~? This sounds confusing, you say? Fret not, imagine this; with every decision made or forgone, a new set of timelines are created. Similarly, for every action or event that has been done or taken place, there will exist a world in which an entirely distinct set of actions or events have been set into motion." The woman named Yukari then pointed towards the dizzying array of screens circling around the void with a smile. "These screens are basically those worlds taking place right now as we speak. Each screen represents an instance of Gensokyo that exists because of these possibilities. There's a Gensokyo in which I do not have the same abilities as I do now and be a useless bum in a decrepit apartment. There's also a Gensokyo in which Gensokyo was never a magical place to begin with but instead an actual city in Japan. But, the place we are in is not Gensokyo but is a dimension that lies in a gap between these instances. However, this too, is an instance of Gensokyo due to the decisions I have made in bringing you here."

"That is indeed correct!", replied a similar feminine voice. Without warning, it appeared that the endless void of spinning screens was replaced with the stage setting of a 70s television commercial. Where there were an infinite number of screens was now inside of a technicolour glass screen of a cathode-ray operated Sony television with Yukari still in it. However, the voice also came from Yukari who was now clad in tight purple bell-bottomed jeans and a white short-sleeved turtleneck sweater that hugged her figure. With her hands on the TV whilst looking into a broadcasting camera, she grinned wide. "What you are seeing here is also an instance of Gensokyo! Don't worry darlings, you're all in there too! I've just decided to be a gal and brought your focus of consciousness into this instance; the 'you' in the void instance is still with the 'me' of that place, listening to her long-winded exposition dump on how Gensokyo works. But don't worry, y'all got little old me to hang out with and teach you some groovy sci-fi theories!" Her sweater did little to minimise the effects the laws of physics were having on her chest with every excited movement she made.

"But!", she exclaimed, sitting on the TV with one leg crossed over the other. "Getting into the nitty-gritty of it all is plain boring. So, why don't I just show you instead!" She then lowered her hand to the TV dial, her smile still there. "What I am about to show you is one of many instances of Gensokyo. Think of it like a TV show. So just sit back, relax, and welcome… to the Void."

* * *

 **Storekeeper Cirno**

 _"Come on, Cirno! You promised that you'd pay up because you lost the bet!"_

 _"Nuh uh! I don't wanna! Ah told you that I did not wanna go through with it anyway!"_

 _"So, I guess what everyone said was right; you_ **are** _an idiot."_

"Rumia! Stop it! That's mean and you know it!"

"Ah'm not an idiot, dummy! I'll prove it to you!"

"Oh yeah, how? Getting a job?"

"Yeah! I'll get a job and ah'll show you that ah am smart enough to beat you!"

SMACK!

The alarm clock was silenced with a quick smack across the room by Rumia. The youkai of darkness stared blankly at the ceiling, her mind remembering that one confrontation she had with the ice fairy. At the time, Cirno, Daiyousei and Wriggle were playing by the Misty Lake like they always did. All went by without incident until Wriggle suddenly decided to make a bet. From where they were, they could see the Scarlet Devil Mansion's gate and, by extension, the gatekeeper, Hong Meiling. Due to her tendency for falling asleep on the job, it was quite amusing for the band of misfits to see the head maid of the mansion appear from nowhere and chase Meiling around. Interestingly, she never appeared in the same spot a certain number of times and she always appeared in a set number of locations which meant that it was predictable but had enough of a degree of uncertainty for it to become a gambling game.

Oddly enough, everyone but Cirno agreed to the bet. Now that she thought of it, it was strange for Cirno to behave that way because she was the one who would jump into a stupid plan head first. Noticing this, Wriggle persuaded her to join in. Cirno conceded with a heavy sigh but with the condition that she never actually consented to the bet. It was fun. Everyone picked a spot and betted with the sweets they had on them. Even Cirno appeared to enjoy it as she racked up a pile of sweets from three consecutive high-stakes wins. However, the fight happened after Cirno wanted to leave after winning. Everyone was upset because she was about to walk away with most of their sugary possessions. Rumia, too, was swept up by the fervour of contempt they had for the ice fairy. Then, after much discussion, which Rumia was not part of for some reason, Wriggle challenged Cirno to a simple bet: if she could find and freeze a frog within the next 2 minutes, she could keep everything. Confident in her skills, Cirno accepted. However, it proved difficult for her to find even a single frog which, now that Rumia thought about it, seemed odd but sweets were on the line so no one pointed it out. And she failed, thus leading to the verbal fight Rumia kept seeing in her dreams. After that, the ice fairy flew away in tears, swearing to never play with them again. Rumia, along with the others, thought nothing of it.

Five years had passed since then.

Everyone felt bad after Cirno did not show up three days after the fight. To make things worse, Wriggle then admitted that she rigged the game by using her ability to communicate with bugs to get insects to lure frogs away from the Misty Lake to ensure her victory. Since then, her guilt never fully went away. Rumia assumed that was probably the reason that the fight kept replaying in her dreams. She looked at the picture of the gang smiling together on the drawer in front of her. A sigh escaped her lips; she never got the chance to apologise.

She got out of her bed and groggily picked up her alarm clock from the floor. 6:52. She then walked down to the kitchen and checked her fridge. No food either. She grumbled at her own mistake at forgetting to get groceries the weekend before. However, she noticed a flyer stuck to the door of the fridge. ' _Grand opening of Mysty Mart, huh?',_ she wondered. Mystia, who had been talking about expanding her business, had started her own chain of convenience stores last year. There were only two at the moment—one in the Underground and one in the Forest of Magic—but with the inclusion of this newly opened one in the Human Village, that made three. ' _I guess I could get my breakfast there.'_

 ** _15 minutes later_**

Fully dressed in her black vest and dress combo with a red bow-tie, she made it to the convenience store. She grew to be rather tall and slender over the years which made her happy because she finally looked less like a little girl despite being hundreds of years old. However, the rest of her friends seemed to grow apart over those years as well. Such was the reality of growing up. Daiyousei decided to live up to her title of Great Fairy by training to be a pro martial-artist with Meiling and Wriggle went away shortly after the fight. As for herself, she worked as a host at a host club. Even though only men became hosts, she was passable enough as one that the club owner let her work. The fact that she looked good in a proper two-piece suit complete with a blood-red necktie meant that she was one of the more popular hosts, much to her confusion and damage to her ego as a woman. She thought for sure that her new grown-up form would make people see her as more of an adult, which they did. Just not the way she had hoped it to be. Well, girl's got to eat somehow. She let herself chuckle a bit at the thought of the disappointment the ladies that frequented the club would have had if they found out that she was actually a poor woman barely able to pay the rent on time.

She snapped out of her internal word vomit when she heard the cheery jingle of the convenience store as she stepped through the automatic glass doors. "Welcome to Mysty Mart!", said the sweet voice by the cash register. Turning her head in response, Rumia found herself gaping in shock at the sight of the person behind the register. Six floating icicles behind her back, blue eyes and cool azure long hair, there was no mistaking it; it was Cirno!

"Rumia, is that you?", she asked in a genuine tone of surprise!

 _'Argh! The pure words of intrigue, it hurts!'_ , thought Rumia as she clenched her chest. "Yeah… it's me, Cirno. How're you do-!"

The air in her lungs escaped as Cirno jumped over the counter and tackled her in a bear hug. "Oh, Rumia! It's been so long! How have you been!", Cirno exclaimed excitedly.

"Y-yeah… I'm good, Cirno, I'm good,", groaned Rumia. "So, can you please move? I know that you know that I know that you're happy to see me but I'm hungry and I kind of want to buy some breakfast here." The ice fairy's face flushed red and apologised profusely. However, her frantic apologies were unheard as Rumia spaced out, thinking about her own apology that she never had the chance to say. The ice fairy was now here in front of her but she needed to find out when would be an appropriate time to have a chat with her.

"…so, how about we do some catching up now? It's not supposed to be my shift today but I'm just here to step in for a co-worker to pick up some new stock. Besides, it's about 7 in the morning and there shouldn't be a lot of people coming in at this time of the day."

 _'Well, that solves that problem,'_ thought Rumia. "Sure, I was just about to ask that as well."

"Okay! Sweet! I'll just go make some quick checks by the register so that everything's in order when I handle your purchases," said a happy, now that Rumia noticed it, taller, more mature Cirno. Even the brash hot-headed fairy could not escape being tempered by growing up it seemed. Her speech sounded proper as well.

Rumia shook her head. She was now looking over the hot meals offered and spacing out was not an option she would consider to be breakfast. In choosing between the grilled Mysty-Mart eel and the crispy piping-hot crab-cream croquette, her mind began to wander again. _'Damn it. Why do I keep worrying over this?! She said she would want to talk after I buy breakfast. But… what do I say then? Does she even remember anymore? What if I mess up my words or forget what I wanted to say when we get there? Crap. All this thinking is making me nervous. Talking to her now would be the best course of action because I would then be done with it and walk away. Yeah. That sounds right.'_

"I'd recommend the croquette, Rumia. It's nice and crunchy, it'll definitely give you that jumpstart to your day!", boomed a loud voice.

Rumia let out a yelp as she was snapped back into reality again. "Yeah, that sounds like a nice meal, alright. I'll take your word on it."

"Cool! Would you like anything else?"

 _Crap. I have come to the purchasing part without realising it! It's now or never now._ "Cirno, it's a bit awkward to say this now but… I just want to say…"

"That you're sorry, right?"

The eyes of the darkness youkai shot wide in shock. "What?"

"You wanted to say you're sorry, right, Rumia?", Cirno asked, her face downcast contrasting with the happy-go-lucky personality she had earlier. "You didn't have to say anything for me to know. Did you think that I wouldn't notice with you walking around aimlessly with sunken eyes?"

Rumia was at a loss for words. She did not know what to say. Her mind blanked out but this time due to this sudden turn of events. "Y-yeah, Cirno, so do you-?"

"I forgive you."

"…huh…?"

"I said, I forgive you, ya dummy!", cried Cirno, her tears pitter-pattering on the counter. "I've done so on the night of the day you said those mean things to me."

Rumia said nothing. Her mind could not comprehend how the ice fairy had already forgiven her a long time ago. She tried to think of an answer but nothing came out. Before she knew it, streams began to flow down her face as she smiled. "Ah…. ah…. ah…AHHHH!"

"Why… Cirno? Why?", sniffled Rumia. "You've gone and proven me wrong and got a job. Why aren't you mocking me for my words?"

What the ice fairy said next broke the last bit of the dam holding back Rumia's feelings: "Because we're friends, aren't we?"

The youkai of darkness was reduced to a sobbing wreck. Ugly crying. The ice fairy, wiping away her own tears, embraced her friend in a compassionate hug.

* * *

 **Bonus**

After having a friendly talk reminiscing about the good old days and trash-talking their own jobs, Rumia and Cirno were pretty much friends again. In what she considered to be an act of compassion, Rumia added a bottle of royal milk tea and a toy gun. Why the toy gun? So, she could pretend to shoot the annoying ladies that craved her attention at the club she worked at. However, there was one problem: she did not have enough money. She also was not familiar enough in this part of the Human Village to know if there was a bank nearby. The Mysty Mart here did not have an ATM yet too. This was a crisis.

"Man, how embarrassing…", said Rumia while scratching the back of her head. "Cirno, could you tell me where the nearest bank or ATM is? I'll come back as soon as possible."

With a wide smile, Cirno said, "Sure! It's right next to my house!"

 _Huh?_

"Very funny, Cirno. So, if the bank is next to your house, then where exactly is your house?"

"Right next to the bank!"

 _'…'_

 _"...what?"_

 _'...'_

"Rumia, why are you shoving the toy gun into your mouth?"

* * *

 _ **A/N: Hey there! I've been of this concept for a while now because I thought that it would be great to take the 'drabble' format and gave it a touch that I thought would be perfect for Touhou. It's basically where I take an interesting idea, silly or serious or whatever, and write it in here while at the same time making it part of a 'story' of sorts as well. I hope you guys like it!**_


	2. Episode 1

**[HIT SERIES 'INFERNO' MAY BE PUT ON INDEFINITE HIATUS]**

That was the headline featured on the Daily Inquirer, the newspaper in the hands of Yukari, clad in her bell-bottoms and turtleneck sweater while sitting on the static-humming TV. "Oh, dearie me, that show's been on and off since ever!", she huffed. "I tell you, give it another 4 or 5 months and suddenly a new episode pops up!"

She then closes the paper and sets it on her lap. Looking towards the broadcasting camera, she smiles sweetly. "Hello, hello, my darlings! Welcome back to the Void! I hoped you like the previous episode. Boy, aren't Cirno and Rumia just sweethearts? What? The end credits bonus shows that Cirno's still an idiot? Well it wouldn't be that ice fairy without it!"

Suddenly, the sound of canned laughter filled the studio. Yukari laughed along with it but it cannot be determined whether her laugh was genuine. Lowering her hand to the dial on the TV, she tunes it until it reaches a channel where an advertisement for tomato soup was playing. "Jokes aside, don't we just love soup?"

Canned laughter plays. "Oh, hush it, dang it! It's not even funny!"

More canned laughter ensued, much to Yukari's displeasure. "Ugh, fine! Do what you want. I'm a running riot today, apparently…", she grumbled as she flicked her bangs.

 _Hahahahaha!_

"Do you _want_ me to turn you into soup?!", she screamed. "I swear, one more laugh and you're going to the Refinery!"

Silence reigned after her outburst, the only sound remaining was the overacted cheerful cheesy ad narrator describing how wonderfully delicious Yakumo™ Tomato Soup was and that with a price of $3.99, it blew the competition out of the water. Yukari, on the other hand, was feeling none of the cheer as she took deep breaths to calm herself down before looking back into the soulless lens of the camera.

"My, oh my! What has gotten into me today? I am so terribly sorry that you had to witness that horrid scene."

Suddenly, a letter floated down from above into Yukari's lap, prompting her to open the letter. "Huh? What's this?", she intrigued. Her eyes slowly scanned every word of the letter. As she kept reading, her expression gradually became that of fear. She then slammed the letter onto the TV and leapt for the camera.

"Hey, hey! Come on now, boss lady, it was an accident! I promise it won't happen again so please don't take me off the air! Please!"

Then, a loud snap was heard and much like before, the whole environment has changed yet again with a sobbing Yukari pleading from inside a screen. This time, however, the screen was that of a computer monitor and the entire 70s television studio from before was now a video on YouTube under the title, 'TV HOST LOSES JOB LIVE ON AIR! FUNNY!'

"Hello, hello, everyone," greeted a disembodied voice. "It is me, Yukari."

Aside from the computer screen, everywhere else appeared to be void of anything animate or inanimate. Yukari herself was nowhere in sight. The only source of illumination was the blinding brightness of the computer monitor in the dark.

"Keep your eyes on the screen. There is no point in trying to look for me for I am everywhere yet I am also nowhere. You can try to run but who knows what lurks in the infinite darkness of the void? Unspeakable evils lurk in the darkness."

An ominous presence could be felt but there was nothing that could be seen. "So, while you're here, dear viewer, why don't I show you something light-hearted?", giggled the voice, contrasting the bleak monotonous droning from earlier. In the search bar, the words, 'Gensokyo Soup Cans' were keyed in by an unseen entity. The search results from those peculiar keywords brought several odd videos. Some depicted the very same soup commercial from the 70s Yukari TV set. Some showed various girls with odd hats doing stupid things with soup cans. The most notable one, however, is the one titled, "It is all soup now" which had over 10 million views. The thumbnail appeared to be like that of a gaming channel's in the sense that it had an edited photo of the face of a long-haired girl with a tacked on spliff and 8-bit sunglasses next to a pile of soup cans. At the bottom of the video, it listed the channel owner as 'LunarRekter99'.

"What I am about to show you is little different from what 70s 'me' had shown you. In this particular instance, all of the videos you see—apart from the one featuring the 'me' of the 70s instance of Gensokyo—all take place within this instance of Gensokyo that you and I are in right now. Much like the last time, the 'you' of the 70s instance is still there, dealing with a jobless hippie."

"Hmm? What was that? Is this instance like the Matrix, you say? Well, I cannot tell you for sure but, if you came to that conclusion seeing this PC and the empty dark surroundings, you're close but no dice." The mechanical hum of the fans in PC filled the silence of the bleak void. Then, the cursor on the screen began to move, heading for that video.

"Well, without further ado, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!"

* * *

 **The NEET and the Day Everyone Became a Soup Can**

30 seconds.

30 seconds were left on the timer.

The team of four mono-eyed, white armour suited mercenaries were scrambling around the map to look for the last enemy. The enemy in question? Props. Basic everyday items that were strewn around the map such as a bicycle, a couch, a potted plant or even a car. It was the very nature of the enemy that made it difficult because they could be anything in their line of sight but this team were pros; they managed to wipe out most of the hiding props with two minutes to spare. But now, with less than 30 seconds left, they were panicking.

[ **Mikomiko** ]: _dammit where is this last guy?!_

[ **SparkingRabu~!** ]: _dunno_

[ **MikoGreen** ]: _guyzzz we gon lose this_

[ **definitely not Dio's grill** ]: _shuddup mikogreen. You jinx this I'll kill you._

[ **SparkingRabu~!** ]: _dio plz_

[ **definitely not Dio's grill** ]: _dio yes_

[ **Mikomiko** ]: _rly guys? Rly?_

[ **LunarRekter99** ]: _lol_

*DEAD*[ **CapDaKappa** ]: _Wow… Really?_

*DEAD*[ **1CE9** ]: _roflmao_

*DEAD*[ **EdshotMachine** ]: _I take back every word I said about them hacking. This is funny._

[ **Mikomiko** ]: _stfu scrubs_

[ **LunarRekter99** ]: _u mad bro?_

The player under the username Mikomiko was infuriated. She seriously wanted to type an array of expletives in the chat but there were now 15 seconds on the clock. They seriously needed to find this bitch and make her eat her words. Or his words. She did not know nor care. All of her teammates were in all four corners of the map which was really just a single double-storey house with a small backyard.

*DEAD*[ **1CE9** ]: _hahaha omg they blind_

*DEAD*[ **1CE9** ]: _ur jumping up and down and they don't c u at all_

Damn it all! Where in the hell is she?! Was this karma for laughing at that one player that kept accusing her team of wall hacks when they located and decimated them in less than a minute? These damn scrubs were laughing at her team. To make things worse, the chat implied that the target was moving, not even bothering to hide properly. She called out to her teammates that she was going to check the kitchen while the rest should continue searching in their respective places.

5 seconds remaining.

Entering the kitchen, she could see that it was full of items that did not look out of place. The fridge looked fine, the chairs and dining table were still in place and the assortment of spices and cans by the spice rack did not appear to be moving. She had no time to lose. She must be reckless. Whipping out her submachine gun, she emptied her entire clip at everything in sight. Her health suffered greatly as the game penalises damage to actual props but at this point, better to win dying.

2 seconds remaining.

Knowing full well that her next course of action will kill her, she unloaded her secondary grenade shot into the kitchen. It was a guaranteed kill for anything in that area. However, as the counter was about to hit zero, when the grenade was about to hit the floor, a soup can dashed out from behind the fridge and zipped away to safety. _'FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!',_ was the only thing that went through Mikomiko's mind as she saw this unbelievable asspull before her eyes.

 ****PROPS WIN****

*DEAD*[ **1CE9** ]: _gg_

*DEAD*[ **CapDaKappa** ]: _gg_

*DEAD*[ **EdshotMachine** ]: _nt_

[ **LunarRekter99** ]: _ez pz_

[ **LunarRekter99** ]: _git gud_

*DEAD*[ **Mikomiko** ]: _fuck off_

"Heh, someone's salty."

Kaguya stretched her arms with a resounding pop as she swivelled around her chair. She was feeling good after a satisfying round a Prop Hunt. Being an immortal, un-killable princess from the moon meant that she had a lot of time to kill and sometimes picking fights with her fellow immortal, Mokou, just did not cut it. So, Kaguya, with nothing else to do, decided to pick up gaming. At first, the very concept of video gaming was foreign to her and she sucked at everything she played, even Pong. Now, thanks to her ability to never die and remain ageless, she had all the time in the world to be a professional at any game she picked up. She once collected all the Pokémon in Pokémon Moon and got them all to level 100. Even the legendaries _and_ shinies.

When it came to the online multiplayer scene, she started off with Counter Strike where the Gensokyo netizens were first introduced to [LunarRekter99]. Having unholy amounts of hours of experience in many FPS's, she was known as the embodiment of 'rekt' as any team she played with would always win 16-0 regardless of what map or whether the other team used cheats. A notable highlight that floated around the internet was of her first match ever in the game. It featured her winning the final round of the game in a 1v5 clutch in which she was left with only a Five-Seven to her name with no armour. Kaguya, who was unranked at the time, was threatened with the infamous 'clutch or kick' by her own teammates as they were desperate to maintain their perfect win. Since then, she has branched out to different games using the same moniker which gained her internet notoriety. However, not every game has to be a competitive hellhole, which was why she played this game of Prop Hunt to begin with; to have fun with her online friends. Even though she knew full well who her friends were in real life, she could never be bothered to leave the house.

She yawned. Rubbing her eyes, she checked the time to find out that it was already 4 in the morning. "Wow. That's getting kind of late. Eirin's going to chew me out again if I slept in past noon. I guess I'll call it a night."

Bidding her friends a goodnight, and laughing at a certain salty shrine maiden, she turned her beast of a desktop PC off and headed straight for bed. However, she was not aware that she was being watched and that an awful surprise awaited her when the sun rose…

 **xxx**

The birds were singing a beautiful tune on this fine morning. The woodland creatures of the Forest of the Lost were prancing about merrily. The sun's ray kissed the roof tiles of Eientei, Eirin's base of operations for creating medicine and home of the moon rabbit, Reisen, the earth rabbit, Tewi, and last but not least, the NEET l33t lunar princess, Kaguya, who was currently in the middle of groggily rubbing her eyes with an angry glare towards the stray beam of light peeking from her door, grumbling something about how it was 'too early for this' or that rain had better come soon so she could have an excuse to stay indoors.

Once upon a time, she would have loved all of it. Unfortunately, that was a long time ago when she still did princess things and cheated many a bachelor out of their lives with impossible requests so she now finds the concept of human interaction to be repetitive, dull and needless. She was not human anyway she did not care, much to Eirin's dismay as the medical prodigy has always been trying to get her to take up a job since Kaguya's lifestyle has been causing the electricity and internet bills to climb. To be fair, she did have one which was running a Twitch stream of herself playing but she never used the earnings she gained from it to help pay the bills at all. Why pay bills when you can max out your gaming rig to an absurd degree?

However, one can never stay in their room forever as they would need to fulfil their basic needs to continue living. Kaguya was no exception to the rule although she does it to avoid discomfort rather than the threat of death. Starving in the morning was not a clever way to start the day and she can testify to that considering she has once died of starvation after neglecting to eat for a month to grind in World of Warcraft; sustaining consciousness only with a mountain of energy drinks. So, she set foot outside her room and walked along the sunlight-exposed walkway to the kitchen.

Entering the kitchen, she noticed that it was strangely devoid of smells of cooked food and sounds of banter surrounding the dining table. Then she realised that there were no people but herself. _'Huh, strange… I usually get chewed out by Eirin at this time of the day because I 'need to rise early and make myself useful','_ , she thought. _'Wait. Does this mean that I can finally talk back because she slipped up this time? No, that can't be right. Reisen and Tewi aren't here either. They can't all be sleeping in, are they?'_

She checked the clock that hung over the stove. 12:00pm. This was weird.

She then checked Eirin, Reisen and Tewi's rooms. All were empty.

Walking back into the kitchen, she saw something that she did not notice on her first entry; three soup cans on the dining table. Each with their own unique colour pattern and…names. It so occurred to Kaguya that each of the names of the cans matched with those of the people that she was looking for. Blue and red can for Eirin, purple-red can for Reisen and white and orange can for Tewi.

 _'Oi, oi, oi! What the heck is this?!',_ she mentally screamed, her eyes squinting as she tried to discern dream from reality. _'Those are souvenirs, right?! They can't be actual soup cans, right?! If this is a prank, this is one helluva prank!'_

She cautiously picked up the Eirin can and read the label. _'Filled with medicinal goodness!'_ She then shook the can a bit, a light sloshing sound could be heard with every shake. This was no mistake; they were real soup cans.

 _'Ehhhhhh?! Really?!'_ , she thought with bulging eyes. _'They have turned into soup?! No, it cannot be! It **can** not be? Wow, nice pun, me. Wait! That's not the point! Are they really soup now? What about the others? Are they soup as well or is it just them?'_

She gulped. This was a mystery that needed solving but solving it required her to the one she loathed: going outside. But first, breakfast was in due order so she opened the fridge and ate a slice of strawberry cheesecake that had a note on it claiming that it was Eirin's. Since Eirin was soup anyway, it was not like she could do anything about it. Her hunger sated, she then decided to wait for a few hours for the sun to set a bit so she could conduct her search without being scorched by the sun.

After the clock struck 4, she felt that it was time to make her move. But then she remembered that she had not taken a shower in three days so she took about an hour to make herself feel comfortably clean. After showering, she felt readier than ever to set foot into the brave outdoors. However, lunch has not been had. Since she already ate the only meal in the fridge that did not require actual preparation, she opted for instant noodles instead. Nothing can go wrong with chicken flavour.

It was now 6pm. The sun was now setting fully; the sky painted a magnificent amber. The crows were cawing to signal that night will follow suit. Flying amongst the murder of crows was Kaguya, who had finally got around to actually doing what she wanted to do. Her long black hair flowed freely in the air as she floated down to the Human Village which appeared to be awfully quiet in this hour of the evening. Feeling grateful she brought along her phone, she used its flashlight function to see better in the darker parts of the stores and homes of the village. She also made use of her ability to manipulate the eternity to keep the sun in position so that she could spend as much time as possible without the night ever coming to replace the day.

Searching through every nook and cranny of every storehouse, home and establishment in the village, she could confirm that there were no people nor youkai present. What she did find however, were an array of soup cans, each collection possibly corresponding to the number of occupants in the buildings at the time of what she theorised to be the ' _cannification'_ of Gensokyo. Her blood ran cold. This could not be happening right now. She flew over to the Hakurei Shrine only for her to scream bloody murder upon the sight of a red and white soup can on top of the shrine's donation box along with a black and white one. The same thing happened in the Moriya Shrine as well where three soup cans—green, yellow and maroon—were seen lined up by the shrine's entrance.

Her heart was beating so hard she could not hear anything but her own heartbeat. Everywhere she went, soup cans greeted her as if eager to confirm her suspicions. To prove that she has not gone mad. It was clear to her now that everyone but herself has been turned into soup cans especially after her visit to the Underground where she saw the terrifying sight of thousands of soup cans scattered about in the streets of Old Hell. If she had a drink for every time the words 'soup' and 'can' came together in her mind, she would make Suika blush with her immortal alcohol-damaged liver because this was beginning to look absurd. Then again, she remembered that Gensokyo never operated in a way that people can recognise as common sense.

This was too much. It must be a dream.

She cancelled her ability to manipulate the eternity to allow night to commence as she flew straight to her room in Eientei, slammed the door shut and locked it and huddled up in a corner covered up in her futon.

 _'Why is this happening? This is too much! It's crazy! There's no way! There is no feasible way that everyone became soup cans one day! Yeah, that must be it. I_ have _gone crazy. Eirin was right about playing video games for too long. My sanity has finally crumbled away! It must have been a figment of my imagination and when I wake the next morning, she and the rest of Eientei will be laughing at me for how silly I was behaving. Yes. That's right.'_

After trying to convince herself that it was all a dream, she fell into an uneasy slumber.

 **The very next day**

The birds were singing a beautiful tune on this fine morning. The woodland creatures of the Forest of the Lost were prancing about merrily. The sun's ray kissed the roof tiles of Eientei, Eirin's base of operations for creating medicine and home of the moon rabbit, Reisen, the earth rabbit, Tewi, and last but not least, the NEET l33t lunar princess, Kaguya, who was staring intently at her door with frightened eyes. Her pajamas were wet with cold sweat as she tried to process what she saw when she got up to have breakfast earlier.

She woke up feeling refreshed, happy that her nerves were at ease. It was truly the best start of a new day and she never felt happier to see the sun's ray peeking from under her door. Breakfast was the most important meal of the day and it was a good day to make herself some toast with scrambled eggs. So, when she swung the door open with revitalised energy, the last thing she expected to see was an ocean of soup cans right by her doorstep as far as the eye could see. She never slammed the door so hard in her life.

 _'Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay…calm… the FUCK…down, Kaguya. You're still tired. If you open the door again, they'll be gone!'_

She opened the door. The cans were still there but this time a lot closer.

SLAM!

 _'FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK NO! NO! NO, NO, NO, NO!',_ her mind screamed. _'This is no longer absurd, this is outright CREEPY! I could've sworn they spaced farther when I first opened the door and now they were not only closer but inching towards my room! That's some Weeping Angels shit right there and I want none of it!'_

Her mind raced to calm itself down as she tried to rationalise the whole thing. However, everything ceased when she heard a soft thud emanating from her door.

"STAY AWAY, CANS OF SATAN", shrieked the immortal. "If this was because of my tactic of choosing a soup can to win Prop Hunt then I beg of thee, O evil metallic casing of liquid solid food, to forgive me for the sins that I have committed!"

For a while, it seemed like they heard her pleas as she did not hear any thuds after that. Breathing a sigh of relief, she cautiously got up and tip-toed towards the doorknob. As her slender fingers were about to touch it however…

BANG!

"Kyaaa!", she screamed as she stumbled back in shock. The loud bang then turned into a maddening chorus of bangs and slams that reduced the princess into a sobbing wreck. This was not how she wanted her life to end. This was not a fate she could live with.

Her eyes bulged as she saw her door strain under the stress of the constant pounding. Peeking under the door, she could catch a glimpse of multiple cans of soup of varying sizes jumping up and down to break her door down. She rushed to empty out her closet, drawers and study desk and pile them in front of the door. To be extra sure, she made a point to then chuck the closet, drawers and study desk into the pile.

Whatever happens, she was not going to open that door.

 **14 days after incident**

The pounding has finally stopped. Kaguya, now visibly malnourished, kept her eyes on the barricade. It has been close to a week since she had water and 2 weeks since she ate proper food. She did not mind dying but at this rate she was going to run out of bottles to do her 'business' in. Careful not to attract attention, she took a pair of scissors and chipped away at the wall of her room until she could see a beam of light shine through. Peeking through the hole, she tried to assess the situation outside.

It seemed that there were no more soup cans to be found. However, she was still paranoid so she took it upon herself to navigate through Eientei via the crawlspace between the roof and the ceiling. As she crawled through the dusty narrow path, she stopped every now and then to be on the lookout for any sounds of moving cans. After what seemed like an eternity (3 minutes), she finally made it to the kitchen.

She moved one of the ceiling panels of the kitchen bit by bit to avoid giving her position away. Looking down from where she was, there were no cans in sight. Even the Eientei cans were gone too. There was not a soul in sight and it was all clear. However, she refused to come down. She was afraid to come down. Why? Because of one anomaly.

There was freshly cooked food on the dining table.

 _'No. It's a trap!',_ she reasoned. _'They're trying to lure me out by making food because they know that_ _I haven't eaten in 14 days!'_

Reaching into her pocket in the tight crawlspace, she pulled out her phone. During the 14 days of horror for her, she used the time to hack into the public surveillance network of Gensokyo so that she could monitor the movement of the soup cans. She felt like hitting herself for neglecting to check this first before moving into the crawlspace.

Waiting for the live footage to buffer, she gulped in anxious anticipation. Then, the feed came on, showing several notable locations such as the Forest of the Lost, the Forest of Magic, the compound of the Scarlet Devil Mansion and the Human Village. She could not believe her eyes; there were actual living, breathing people out and about! Trading! Gossiping! Having fun like normies!

Tears ran down her face as she felt a joy that could not be properly expressed with words. It was also the first time she has ever felt glad to see another person or youkai. If the footage was true, and it must be true for it was supposedly live, then the food down there might be a meal prepared by Eirin for her!

Casting away any form of fear and paranoia that she had carried for the past fortnight, she gleefully jumped down from the crawlspace to give whoever made the food a hug. However, in her excitement, she did not see the screen stall after the first few seconds of footage. If she did, she would have seen the screen replaced with a feed showing cans of soup flooding every area shown.

When she did come to that realisation, it was too late.

It is all soup now.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Hey there, Kobe here! This story here was sort of inspired/requested by a friend of mine who randomly came up with the idea of 'Gensokyo but with soup cans' while we were having a chat. I hope you liked it and stay tuned for more!**_


	3. A Quick Announcement from Our Sponsors!

**Teach me, Miss Yukari!**

"Mornin' everyone…", mumbled the blonde with ruffled long hair, Miss Yukari. Adjusting her glasses while stifling a yawn, she took a stack of documents of her desk and shuffled them around so that they were in proper order. Gold lifeless eyes shifted around the classroom to address every student present with a silent glare. She made a mental note to tick the names of those empty seats as absent. Regardless if they arrived now.

After a few minutes of intimidating stares being felt by her students, she brought out a yellow chalk out from the pocket of her un-ironed lab coat and wrote the initials, PSA, on the blackboard. "Usually I would begin class by giving you a run-down on how the Void works and all that mind-bending parallel universe theory goodness because that is apparently how this show is formatted and I curse whichever Yukari that thought it up in the first place," she drawled, muttering under her breath her annoyance at having to do this and wondering how every instance agreed to this. "Anyways, in place of the usual episode-of-the-week, I am being put in charge of giving a public service announcement to all of you viewers out there."

Silence answered her.

 _'Tch, I wish I had my snotty brats as my students again rather than these…viewers. At least they responded to stimuli…',_ she clicked. "This PSA is more of a televised public announcement if anything because I am here to tell you viewers at home that the next episode will start off with a Q&A session run by me so be sure to send questions my way before then. If you somehow have not heard of Q&A's, here's a little demonstration brought to you by…*sigh*…Yakumo Entertainment…"

Her face scrunched up as some unintelligible noises could be heard leaking from her earpiece, causing her to respond with an unenthusiastic "Okay, fine, geez…you didn't have to shout so loudly…"

Looking down, she coughed a little to clear her throat. Then, her head shot up to reveal a smiling face so bright even her eyes appeared to be smiling. "Alright, class! Let's get this demonstration going!", she cheered with a sing-song tune, dying on the inside.

Bringing the documents she shuffled earlier closer to her, the mock Q&A session was about to begin. "Okay, let's begin with the first question of the day! Remember, you don't have to put your hands up because the actual Q&A will have me answer questions that you will have submitted so please give a response if you want them answered!"

 **Question #1** : [Can I suggest ideas to be featured here?]

Clearing her throat and drinking some water, she answered, "Yes, of course! Since the Void is essentially a showcase of one of the many interesting stories the parallel instances of Gensokyo offer, any idea or suggestion for an episode is acceptable* as we, in Yakumo Entertainment, are bound to find one that matches it. In fact, the premise of the previous episode came from a suggestion given by one of our viewers so you can be sure that yours may be featured too!"

 **Question #2:** [WHY AREN'T YOU WRITING INFERNO?!]

Miss Yukari's happy persona faltered a bit upon reading but regained composure after wiping some sweat off her brow using her lab coat.

"Oh my… Well…I believe the previous episode announced that the series, 'Inferno', is currently on hiatus for a while due to creative reasons. The director had come out saying that the hiatus was due to mental fatigue and a loss in passion so it may be a while before it comes back. But do not fret! He has not planned on dropping it just yet so you can have that to look forward to."

 **Question #3** : [Why call it the Void and why have this mock Q&A when you haven't had questions or reviews yet?]

She raised a brow at this and let slip a genuine chuckle. "My, my…a two-parter. Interesting indeed!", she hummed.

"To answer your first part, it is called the Void because that is what the gap between the instances is called. Much like how there's an unseen 'dark matter' that is supposedly pushing galaxies away from each other, the Void is an unknown mass of dark energy that serves as a divider between the infinite parallels. Since there is nothing in that mass of dark energy that is distinguishable, it is called a void. I know, not a creative name. Not my fault."

Unable to contain her fatigue in maintaining this façade of cheer, she yawned loudly and stretched her arms before putting up a smile again. "As for the second, why not? Sometimes it is quite nice to be able to pre-empt questions or answer your own lingering doubts or confusion. Besides, it's written in the script anyway so we got to find a way to keep this segment one way or another…"

A heavy sigh was heaved and it was clear that Miss Yukari had now given up the persona. Adjusting her glasses while stifling a yawn, she slumped into her seat by the desk.

"What? Were you expecting an episode? Hate to burst your bubble but this is the episode. Rather short, I know, but I did tell you that this was an announcement for the most part."

Scratching the back of her head, her droopy eyes glanced at her wristwatch. It was time to call it wraps.

"Well, that's all the time we have for today. Now, before I let my actual students back in here for their biology lessons, let me say one more thing…"

The corners of her mouth cracked to form a slight grin. "Tune in next time!"


	4. Episode 2

Confetti is popped into the air with rapid succession accompanied by lines of sparklers as the Miss Universe model, Yukari, strode to centre stage along the runway whilst the cheers of her fans filled the studio. Waving her definitely-youthful hands with a flair of elegance, she spun round to face her adoring fans with an inspiring smile.

"Thank you, thank you all so much for your endless support!", she said while flicking her flowing golden hair in a grandiose manner. "And thank you, Studio Blank for inviting me to be the host for tonight's show!"

"Woohoo!"

"Yeah!"

"You're hot!"

Yukari felt her cheeks redden as her sensitive ears picked up every cry of adoration for the newly-minted supermodel. She flinched a little when the lights around her were shut off with loud clicks until only a single spotlight remained, bright rays sparkling off the diamonds on her golden gown. Realising that her segment was about to begin, she lightly smacked her cheeks to get a grip. This was a big moment for her. Her debut as a show host started…now!

"My, my such words! You're making me blush! You might just make me forget why I'm here to begin with: hosting this show!", she announced to great applause. "To start us off, why don't have a recap of last week shall we?"

With a snap of her fingers, a cloud of smoke exploded on stage, revealing a large projector screen. Then, the stage went dark with only the beam of projected light from the projector hanging from the ceiling illuminating the studio. The projection itself showed clips from a segment from an announcement titled "Teach me Yukari!" where a very similar-looking blonde can be seen forcefully smiling while in a scruffy lab-coat.

"If you remember last week, Miss Yukari here announced a few things for this show that we will be featuring! Unfortunately, I, the elegant embodiment of youth, Yukari, will have to bear the shame of disappointing all of you faithful viewers at home as we have not received enough responses to get the Q&A segment running."

The sound of sad sighs and disappointed grumbles bounced off the walls of the studio.

"However!", Yukari perked up determined to get the show going, "We have received a suggestion for today's show! Give a round of applause everyone to this wonderful participant!"

"Aw yeah!"

"Yahoo!"

"As expected of our Yukari!"

She cleared her throat gently to regain the attention of the crowd. The studio slowly became silent once more.

"Have you ever wondered what I would be like if I were not the cheerful lady tonight? Have you thought about what it would be like if you woke up and everyone behaved differently from what you expect? That, ladies and gentlemen, is the theme for tonight's episode."

'Ooh's and 'ahs' could be heard in between the crowd's murmurs.

"Well then, without further ado, we shall begin tonight's show! So, sit back, relax, and enter the Void with me!"

The entire place then went dark.

* * *

 **The Confusion of The Unmoving Library**

"Would it be weird if you actually started working out?"

The question came out of nowhere and dropped like a 20-ton nuclear bomb in the dimly-lit, dusty and spacious great library of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. The resident magician, Patchouli Knowledge, stopped everything she had been doing by her study to turn towards the person who uttered the offending question.

"…ex…excuse me?"

"You are excused, my dear fellow best friend-cum-acquaintance for I am a benevolent creature of the night and I have once again snuck behind you ever so sneakily as befitting a dastardly being of my kind and-"

"Stop."

Patchouli groaned as it turned out Remilia had intruded her private corner of the library again to pester her. Again. For the past few hundred years. She was not sure which century it was that her vampire friend opted to pick up the habit but she was certain that it happened every time Remilia caught wind of a project or experiment that she was working on that deemed interesting.

"What is it this time, Remi?", she sighed.

The vampire's crimson eyes glimmered with childish excitement while her limbs trembled as she tried her best to appear as uninterested as possible.

"I cannot help but wonder what possibilities such a device of your creation may bring upon its completion especially considering its abilities being related to that of alternate realities?"

"Ok, drop the grandiose verbose manner of speech, Remilia Scarlet," groaned Patchouli. "Only the uninitiated would buy the attempt at charisma and sophistry that you're trying to pull. As it stands, everyone in the Scarlet Devil Mansion, the Hakurei Shrine, the Moriya Shrine, the tengu of Youkai Mountain, the Human Village, the Forest of Magic and-"

"Ok, fine, geez!", exasperated Remilia. "Can't a bored girl get any fun around here?"

"That's what the desktop I set up for you is for."

"Hehehe…about that…", uttered the vampire sheepishly while scratching the back of her head.

"Remilia…"

"W-well, for starters it's not so bad…"

"Remilia."

"Fine! I broke it because this dumbass bitch with the stupid username kept on killing me over and over again and she always called a scrub!"

Patchouli let out a tired sigh. It was too late in the night for this.

"Let me guess, 'LunarRekter99' again?"

"EXACTLY!", Remilia yelled, her hands shaking in rage at the very thought of that username. In every game she played, _that_ name would be there.

"Remilia Scarlet, you are a centuries old vampire and you have amassed a lot of wealth during that time but you need to stop breaking the things I buy for you."

"But how come Flandre gets away with breaking things?", she whined.

"Because unlike Flandre, you are actually mentally sound and not locked away in a basement."

"Oh."

"Seriously, it's a good thing I suggested that Sakuya and Meiling spend some time with her because she is showing significant progress since you first let her out of there."

While her tone was flat in delivery but there was weight in Patchouli's statement. Even though Flandre had already knew how to properly control her powers by the time her sister unlocked the basement doors, she had a tough time distinguishing fantasy from reality which led to many believing that she was a crazed homicidal freak when her delusions only extended to thinking non-residents as 'toys'. Having Sakuya and Meiling ease her into getting used to society again was a great step in Flandre's recovery.

Remilia grumbled in agreement, her eyes welling up and her hands gripping the ends of her red dress as she shuffled her feet while looking at the floor.

Noticing this, Patchouli let out a dragging sigh and put her hand on the vampire's shoulder. "Hey now, Remi, don't be sad. We talked about this. You're the master of this mansion so it's pretty much expected of you to act maturely. Besides, this is the fifth desktop I've got you so you have to understand how I feel too. Even if you look like the age where such behaviour is expected."

"I know…", sniffled Remilia, her mouth sporting a small pout.

"Tell you what, it's getting pretty late and I'm going off to bed. How about I show you that thing I've been working on tomorrow, okay?"

The vampire nodded enthusiastically, her excitement revived by the prospect of seeing the magician's project in action.

"Alright, g'night…", yawned the purple-haired magician as she trudged off to her bedroom.

"See you tomorrow!", answered Remilia.

However, she did not leave the library. Instead, the vampire waited until she heard the soft click of Patchouli's bedroom locking before quietly floating towards the magician's study.

There, on top of the desk, was a device that looked like a simple crystal ball. It was this device that, based on information gained from eavesdropping the conversations between Patchouli and her familiar, Koakuma, supposedly allowed its user to see into the lives of their parallel universe-selves.

She chanced a quick peek around her. The coast was clear. The time was now. She snatched the device off the table and fiddled around with it, feeling for a switch of sorts.

 _'Come on… there has to be a thing somewhere that can turn it on! This crystal ball must be the display for the device!'_

Minutes passed and her irritation grew. She inspected every nook and cranny of the simplistic object but she could not find anything that she can call a switch. She made a note to criticise to magician on the lack of user-friendliness it had.

Suddenly, she heard books falling from shelves followed by a faint yelp in the distance. Crap. Koakuma was still awake. She did not take this devilish variable into consideration. In a bid to make a sneaky exit, she zipped out of the library through an open window, accidentally dropping the device.

Unbeknownst to her, a white fog began to seep out of the device after clunking on the hardwood floor, an ominous bright glow swallowing all in its path as the fog cloud grew.

That night, the Scarlet Devil Mansion shone like a beacon in the night before engulfing of Gensokyo in a blinding explosion…

 _"Gah!"_

Patchouli woke up in a cold sweat. She frantically checked her hands, room and surroundings. Everything was intact. A small breath of relief escaped her lips.

It was all a dream.

And what a terrifying dream that was too. In the dream she was about to fall asleep after finishing a chapter of a…well… 'work of fiction' involving a character much like herself engaging in less-than-appropriate relationships with a certain ordinary human magician. Next thing she knew, there was a resounding thud coming from her study and when she got out to check, everything was white.

Glancing at the alarm clock by her bedside, she discerned that it was now noon. She raised a brow in confusion.

 _'That's odd… Sakuya usually sets breakfast on my small study desk in my room everyday… Could she have…? Well, everyone forgets every now and then. I'll just summon Koakuma and tell her to get Sakuya for me.'_

With that in mind, she took a bath and washed off the odd feelings she had when she woke up. If only she knew, her day was about to become very confusing for her.

 **xxx**

Dressed in her pink-purple pyjama-like gown and her signature night cap, she took a deep breath and opened the door to her room…then slammed it shut.

She blinked once. She opened the door again. Slammed it once more.

She blinked again, slapping herself for good measure.

 _'Eh?'_ , was all she could think of after what she saw.

She gulped. She was a woman of reason and knowledge hence she had to…no… _must_ open the wooden barrier between her and the world beyond her room. Her need for logic demanded that another observation was required to attain a proficient level of certainty and thus, she opened the door but slowly this time.

Peeking through the gap that was widening ever so quietly, her purple eyes felt like they were about to pop from their eye sockets: All of the library-books, tables, everything—was gone. In their place, her worst nightmare; gym equipment. Treadmills, dumbbells, yoga mats; all arranged in an orderly fashion. Her precious grimoires had disappeared.

"Oh hey, you're up pretty late!", greeted a familiar voice in an unfamiliar tone.

Patchouli let her head peek out of the door to address the person greeting her only for her to be stunned in shock. It was her familiar, Koakuma. However, instead of wearing her typical white shirt and black skirt combo while carrying a pile of books, she was wearing a white tank-top with a pair of black tracksuit pants while _jogging_ on one of the many treadmills in her bookless library.

"Come on! What are you gawking there for? Join me for a workout, Patch!"

 _'Patch?! What sort of nickname is Patch?!',_ grumbled Patchouli in her mind as she could not believe this casual near-insubordination of her familiar. However, rather than chew her out on it, she hypothesised that her dream might not really be a dream at all. If that was the case, she had to try and go with the flow to avoid any paradox or temporal error that could jeopardise not just herself but her own timeline.

"O-oh, I'm not feeling too well, Koa! I'm gonna go grab something to eat, if you don't mind?", she lied. _'I'm afraid Remilia has done something rash by accident. If my dream was correct, the device might have fell, presumably from a panicked Remi. If that was the case, the device must have malfunctioned and let the temporal reagent out of the display sphere which led to this…parallel timeline. If my calculations are correct from last night, the display should last 30 minutes if unattended for too long. Crap, I forgot if this Koa bought my excuse!'_

She did not even have time to fester about this slipup as an energetic 'OK' was thrown her way, allowing the asthmatic magician to float out of the library and time to ponder on her current situation.

 _'Phew! Thank the heavens or whatever deity is up there for that! Where was I? Oh yes, the device. It should be nearby because it's failsafe mechanism to always be confined to the SDM at all times in the event of damage or malfunction. While I'm at it, I might as well observe the behaviours of the residents of this parallel timeline as it makes me believe that it might one where everyone behaves the opposite from the residents of my timeline.'_

She need not look further from the hallways of the mansion to know that something is very different about this timeline's Sakuya: the fairies were actually seen doing the work that the head maid would have relegated to _herself_. Cleaning the windows, sweeping the floor, taking out the rubbish; it was an odd sight to see. The Sakuya she knew would only let the fairies deal with areas that she would have difficulty reaching or dealing with within her own set time limit so seeing them everywhere was just weird.

One of the fairies noticed Patchouli and greeted her with a smile.

"Good morning, Patchy! Had a good workout today?"

Figuring that this was going to be the trend of conversation, she recycled the 'sick' excuse. Better to have a consistent fib to maintain an alibi. Floating towards the kitchen to snag a meal, she bore witness to something she would have never been able to see even in a lifetime. Make that two lifetimes.

There, in the kitchen, was the sight of Remilia Scarlet, the master of the mansion too proud for, in her own words, 'menial work for the plebeian masses', was competently ordering around a team of chefs for lunch. Considering she had tasted her own timeline's Remilia's cooking, the smell in the kitchen alone told her that this Remilia was a culinary expert. The other baffling thing that she saw just outside the kitchen window was Meiling scolding Sakuya. The gatekeeper scolding the head maid.

Meiling. Scolding. Sakuya.

To make things weirder, she could tell from lipreading what Sakuya was being scolded for and it confused her to no end. The indomitable elegant maid was being reprimanded for _sleeping on the job_ by the mansion's gatekeeper who, in her own timeline, was known for that very subject of reprimand. Then, something flashed in Patchouli's mind. If Sakuya was lazy and Remilia was actually competent in her job, what was Flandre then?

She made a beeline towards the basement, ignoring many an inquiry on her workouts, and barged into it the moment she saw the double doors. There, she saw everything her current library was not; filled with books. Flandre's living space was essentially what Patchouli had been missing for the past 15 minutes of being in this opposite timeline as it had bookshelves, books on top of books, the faint scent of potions brewing and an elegant custodian of this pristine space to govern it. Wait, what?

"Hello, Madam Patchouli, what brings you here?", inquired said custodian with a gentle smile, her tone silk to the magician's ears and genuine in class. It took a while for Patchouli to notice the iron wings and the shining multi-coloured diamonds hanging off them for her to realise who was speaking to her.

"Flandre? Is that you?", she asked, her mouth quivering in disbelief and relief at the sight.

The blonde vampire chuckled lightly, her mouth covering her mouth in a manner of grace. "My, my… yes, it is me, Madam Patchouli. You need not worry anymore, dear friend. Your sanity is safe with me."

The great magician could not hold herself back any longer and let emotions run through as she jumped in to hug Flandre and sob in silence. "Thank you… thank you so much for this…"

The vampire's shoulders became damp with tears and her coat muffled the cries of her friend. Even though this Flandre had never seen this version of the purple magician, she still regarded her as such as the Patchouli of this timeline also played a role in getting her used to society again albeit more actively. She put her pale white hand on the magician's head and softly stroked it, allowing her fingers to flow through the waves of lavender strands.

Then, a memory shot through her head. She remembered something! Swivelling quickly around her chair, Flandre scanned her workstation for this significant item that she wanted to show the magician. However, her movement was so abrupt, it left Patchouli confused yet again wondering why the only glimmer of normalcy sped away from her before her face paled in horror at the realisation of what she had done.

 _'Crap! In my excitement and joy, I had forgotten my own rules in engaging beings from alternate timelines! Wait, "your sanity is safe with me"? Did she know? Does she know I'm not from here? Well, judging by the rows of tomes and grimoires, it is safe to assume that she might be the equivalent of me in the arts of magic and alchemy. In that case, she might help me find-"_

"I believe this is yours, Madam?" The question whipped her out of her inner ramblings and found herself staring at the device in Flandre's hand. The device that she had been looking for this whole time.

The usually stoic magician beamed with gratitude as she thanked Flandre several times with hugs and deep bows, flustering the vampire. Now her return to her own timeline was secured! Unbeknownst to her, Flandre had been taking photos of her gaping in awe at the return of her own invention. The vampire squealed giddily at the prospect at seeing such a cute face in adorable night clothing!

"You also need not worry about the damage for I have repaired it already."

Purple stares matched those of the blood-red. Time appeared to freeze.

"Flandre Scarlet."

"Yes?"

"Thou art a saint."

"Oh, cease thy nonsensical praise! Tis all but a deed for a friend such as thee."

"Good day, fellow friends! How are you on this pleasant afternoon?"

Patchouli and Flandre turned to reply the greeting from this sudden third party. Flandre replied. Patchouli did not. This truly was an oddity.

Standing by the basement door were the dynamic trio of Gensokyo: the Hakurei Shrine maiden, Reimu, the ordinary magician, Marisa and the Moriya Shrine maiden, Sanae. And all were the flipside of their usual selves in personality as it was made clear to Patchouli that the polite greeting came from the gentle smiling face of the Hakurei… handing out gifts(?) to Flandre.

"Here is the monthly share of handouts courtesy of the Hakurei Shrine!", said the shrine maiden while giving a thick envelope to Patchouli as well. "Oh? Patchouli, why are you in your night gown? Are you ill?"

The magician did not bother replying. The situation was just too weird. It was even teetering the line towards creepy too. The Reimu she knew was rather rude while still caring, selfish and, most importantly, _poor._ Opening the envelope, her eyes became saucers as it was stuffed with paper bills. Saucers became pans as it turned out each bill was worth 10,000 yen.

"I-I-I-I'm f-fine, thank y-you…", stammered Patchouli, unable to fathom the concept of a kind, selfless, rich Reimu.

"Oi, how much longer we going to sit here and watch you play the 'good girl', huh?", growled a grouchy Sanae, her mouth a scowl befitting her uninterested eyes.

"U-um, calm down, Sanae, t-there's nothing wrong with being nice…", said Marisa, timidly watching the floor and shifting about the floor.

Bewildered, Patchouli could only watch Sanae shout her head off at the shy Marisa while Reimu tries to break them off with smiles. Her brain had no thoughts. It could not compute. It did not make sense.

Then, the world around her was gradually becoming foggier. _'Yes! I'm finally going to get out of here!'_

However, just as the fog was about to engulf her, a loud boisterous voice came running into the basement, catching a glimpse of the newcomer before the fog then dissipated to reveal her library once more.

She should be happy that she had returned, that she was now free from facing incomprehensible versions of Gensokyo's residents. Instead, she stood there. Her purple irises appearing to be lifeless. Her cheeks were a bright red but it could not be determined whether it was out of embarrassment, being flustered, excited or a mix of the three.

What she did know was this: the world must never know of a Patchouli that was lightly tanned, dressed in a school gym shirt and bloomers. And how it made her hyper-aware of the size of her chest.

* * *

 **Bonus Credits**

 _Somewhere in the Void…_

The control room was a pretty boring place. Lots of flashing panel lights, the screens, the dull lighting. It made Yukari wish there was more to life than this. She set her safety helmet on her station, leaned back in her chair and reached into a gap to get a bag of chips. It was going to be another day in the office until the loud shrill blaring of the alarm was sounded.

Red lights flashed haphazardly. The word 'Warning!' was uttered repeatedly over the PA.

She shot towards the screen on her station. A violation of boundaries had been breached. She needed to alert the others immediately!

Snatching the telephone off its charge port, she rapidly dialled a number.

 _In Blank Studios_

"…and thank you everyone for tuning in for tonight's show! Have a goodnight!"

The model-turned-show host has just successfully run her first programme. She was feeling excited! She wondered if she could possibly branch out to other fields until she felt her phone buzzing.

"Oh? Who could this be?", she said to no one before picking it up.

"Hello, Yukari here!"

"Yeah, why?"

As the call went on her brows furrowed. "I see… Tell me, which instance was breached? What was that? _That_ instance, you say?"

She then went into a fit of laughter, confusing the Yukari on the other end. "Oh, don't worry! That's pretty much the exception to the rule! What? You don't know why?"

She was met with silence for a while before a confused 'Yeah' came in.

"That's because everyone there is the opposite of ourselves! Unlike every other instance of Gensokyo, it's the only one in existence as the premise itself is rigid and does not provide much room for trouble! Besides, it also means the administrator there is actually doing her job diligently…unlike, well, us."

 _"Oh…yeah. You know, when you put it that way, it makes us look lazy and less mysterious and cunning…"_

"Well, that's because it's part of our character to appear mysterious to hide our cunning and diligence. She just does it the other way around."

 _"Wait, does that mean-"_

"Yup, she's only doing it to hide her own feelings of laziness. We just go about it differently."

And so the crisis was averted almost as soon as it began, leaving Yukari in the control room to make a reminder to ignore any warnings regarding _that_ zone after a good ol' laugh.


End file.
